Manai'a Explorations
HC SVNT DRACONES

Thus spake Freddie . I did El Tour de Tucson last week; 9000 bicyclists, 112 miles, 6 1/2 hours. Great fun. Yesterday I did a beautiful mountain bike ride up Reddington Pass with Special Ed and Anxious John. Spectacular sunset and a lovely ride back to the car in the inky black night.

I was putzing around in the bedroom, heard the javalina knocking over my garbage can in the driveway, went out to chase them off, heard pigeons roosting under the eve of my roof, crawled up on the roof to see if they had found a way into my attic, and BAM! I was yanked right out of myopia. Standing in my backyard, looking west, around 5:30 PM this evening:

Mom emailed me to tell me about Desiree, a hot single triathlete in Austin. I would be annoyed with the Yenta-like meddling, but mom is right; Desiree is HOT! Desiree - call me. Thanks Mom!

And yet another example, this one from the Bible. Joseph has been through hell and he finds himself in a fabulous position of power and his traitorous brothers are at his mercy: Then Joseph said to his brothers, "Come close to me." When they had done so, he said, "I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. "So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt.” So all the shit that Joseph went through was part of God’s plan for him to become great and do wonderful things.

I’ve been wrestling some more with the idea of the shadow of God and I remembered this wonderful analysis by Marie Louise von Franz: The ethical difficulties that arise when one meets one's shadow are well described in the 18th Book of the Koran. In this tale Moses meets Khidr ("the Green One" or "first angel of God") in the desert. They wander along together, and Khidr expresses his fear that Moses will not be able to witness his deeds without indignation. If Moses cannot bear with him and trust him, Khidr will have to leave. Presently Khidr scuttles the fishing boat of some poor villagers. Then, before Moses' eyes, he kills a handsome young man, and finally he restores the fallen wall of a city of unbelievers. Moses cannot help expressing his indignation, and so Khidr has to leave him. Before his departure, however, he explains his reasons for his actions: By scuttling the boat he actually saved it for its owners because pirates were on their way to steal ...

Have you ever said the Nicene Creed ? I have a real problem with it. It is a statement of belief, but I don't believe any of it, at least not literally. Sure I can read it as myth and metaphor, in the historical context of the time it was written, but it does not describe what I believe or what I experience. So I wrote my own statement of belief. Scott’s Creed Originally Written 11/14/2004 Revised 11/7/2006 Guaranteed to Change *** A Process exists that connects everything, from before the beginning, to this moment. The Process made me. The Process made everything. I am part of the Process. I am human. I am conscious and intelligent and consequently self-aware and moral with a talent for pattern recognition, especially linear causality. The Process that made me is unconscious, amoral, random and chaotic. I struggle to understand the Process. I project my conscious human nature onto the unconscious Process. The Process thus appears polarized and contradictory; simultaneously positiv...

Pity the sick bastards. Yes, the hypocrisy is unbelievable. You would think that the humiliations and failures they each suffered would be enough that they would let go, but amazingly they hang on and come back. It’s unfortunate such sick people wield such power and influence over so many sheep. Ted Haggard’s apology for his sensuality kills me: Please forgive my accuser. He is revealing the deception and sensuality that was in my life. Those sins, and others, need to be dealt with harshly. So, forgive him and, actually, thank God for him. I am trusting that his actions will make me, my wife and family, and ultimately all of you, stronger. He didn’t violate you; I did. I wish Ted the best of luck in eradicating all sensuality from his life. May he and his family and his whole bloody church congregation make it to their sterilized promised land. As for me, I’m following Goldmund.

Joy and Grief are two faces of the same experience. It is amazing how similar they feel. It is wonderful to feel. I used to be afraid. Then the Damn of Grief broke and washed me to the Ocean of Feeling. And now I experience Joy. And it hurts as much as Grief, maybe more. And it is wonderful. I remember the fear, but I can’t remember what I was afraid of.

Something wonderful happens when you show your wounds to others, provided the others are capable of witnessing without being judgmental. By their witnessing, you are healed and by your vulnerability, they are drawn into greater life. I have seen it happen many times, several times just this weekend. The story of the resurrected Christ appearing to the disciples and showing them his wounds, and later Thomas sticking his finger in the wounds, is for me a metaphor for this process. So the person who risks being vulnerable to others by showing his/her wounds, wears the face of the Christ. After showing the disciples his wounds, the Christ breathed spirit into the disciples and sent them into the world. So too the witnesses are made more alive by seeing reflections of themselves in the one who has risked being vulnerable. I wish I could show you the magic I saw this weekend.

I can be witty. It's a good skill to have. When I make people laugh, I feel as though people like me. My wit can be a weapon as well. Actually the humor goes beyond wit at that point. It is something more like caustic sarcasm. There is something pessimistic about it, something very negative, even hostile. I try to be aware of what I am radiating out to the universe. Is it positive and affirming, like my friend Lee who is always laughing and smiling, or is it negative and humiliating? Am I confident and hospitable or insecure and hostile? This evening I tore into someone with some nasty sarcasm. It came out of my mouth almost reflexively. Another part of my self was listening, and was surprised by the energy behind the words. Ten minutes later, I went back to the woman and apologized for being a smart ass. Fortunately she was very forgiving. This cynicism weighed heavily on me this evening and as I was deconstructing my hostility, I remembered a wonderful short story I read several ...