I don't recall when the feelings of guilt and remorse began, but sometime after the smashing, I became quite disappointed with myself. I think of myself as an explorer and an explorer courageously seeks out new experiences. I had found something new, something alive, and I had been afraid of it and smashed it.
Years later, I tried to show my nephew a spider's web on my sister's back porch. My nephew screamed and made a hysterical, irrational, panicked retreat. I suppose this is how we protect children from Black Widows and Brown Recluses - We make them terrified of spiders.